I give up. Words keep on repeating into my head, like an old CD player keeps on playing on a particular verse. As I made my way home sighing, breathing deeply, and closing my eyes to pace out the shadows of the spoken words that now made me feel crumpling, collapsing my own world. I reach for my hands, staring blankly at the shinny figure on my middle finger, thinking; There is only one person who's going to help me through this, yet I know he's I'm in the wrong time- I don't know what to think as of the moment, I almost felt like giving up not almost but I felt it right away. I couldn't say this to anyone nor share it with anyone, anyone but myself only. So here I am putting it into words, letting my readers feel me right now. Feel my pain, my anguish, my sorrow, my depression, my emptiness. I know this is far from what I do not believe is right, it's not right to keep this from people whom I should be or must be telling but I cannot find the accurate words to let them understand my acts of foolishness, insanity.-- Sometimes, some words are might be better left unsaid.
I give up. It all came rushing back. Hour by hour, second by second, blink per blink. It felt worse now even dreadful. It's like, blood was streaming down from my face, like I was paralyzed, hog-tied and couldn't be able to move, like the world turned into a halt now. Everything, every being, stops..... Except for the beating of my heart and the sound "I give up... I give up.... I give up"- Oh wait! there is no air, I was grasping for it now, holding my throat, but I find it hard to breathe now. "what am I gonna do?", my mind says deliberately. "What to do? what to do? what should I do?" again, they hit me. - I can hear my beating hastening slower now. Until in my very inch of hope, I found an answer to carry on-- A hand.
The wind was blowing boisterously outside. As I slowly and surely opened my eyes and peak
shyly through the unfamiliar place. I saw someone right in front of me holding a rosary with him. "Hey!" I said. He looks at me as if I have died A year or so that he was waiting for me to wake up. Or was I? "I'm so happy you're okay now. I thought I'd never have you back again", he smiled taking my hand with him, letting him kiss it, up until he reach through my forehead then in my cheeks and reach for my neck and landed on my lips. I close my eyes, feeling the moment that I have long for. He softly whispers "I love you... I'd never know what to do if I'd lose you again", I eagerly said back taking his hands "I'll never leave. I'm sorry for making you worried so much.. I-", he cut me off trapping his fingers to prevent me from talking then leaned to kiss me more passionately now. "I love you", I said while kissing him.
It was dark but I know fireflies were made to light my way. Life has never been this easy. You'll cry, you'll smile, be dejected. you'll fall but above all, you'll learn to stand up and face life like everything never changed. With the people around you, you'll never be alone. Family, friends, loved ones, they will be your armor against all that life has to offer whether good or bad.
So there I was, happily lying til the morning light. Waiting as the sun sets a beautiful picture. Letting my mind wander a million miles away. Storms and outbreak may find it's way to break you but one thing I know is for sure.... You'll never be alone to face them all. - Now as I park my thoughts, I'm telling you, things get better through whatever. If you fall, dust it up, don't let up.
#SIGH!
