Thursday: Tearday

     In hours of quiet thought one cannot but be overcome by the memories of the past.

     It was a placid Thursday afternoon. I was in the washtub naked. The place was dimly lit, and I was soaking in hot water and rocking myself, holding on to the rims of the tub. At the lowest point the tub teetered between two slopping boards, the water making little splashing noises as I rocked. This must have been very interesting for me. I rocked the tub with all my strength. Suddenly it overturned. I have a very vivid memory of the strange feeling of shock and uncertainty at the moment of the sensation of that wet and slippery space between the boards againts my bare, pale skin and looking up at something painfully bright overhead.

     "Go and leave". those were the words to draw my agonize and mourning. As the weather changes the color of the sky I sat lonesomely in the tub for awhile. Gawking at the open window locked and the wide meadow. Rain, I thought but no its tears flooding within me as I plead. I have been very sick from this , and yes I am tepidly and unenthusiastically. My life have been very miserable, cheerless and dreary since the day he left me with a "goodbye". Life, as they always said is 'touch and go', nothing is permanent, nothing endless, ceaseless. Someone must leave, must go, must fly.   

     The images of the past came and drop in. PAIN. SADNESS. BLOOD. TEARS. "oh how?", I sighed, upon saying to myself. Oh how will I ever forget all about him? in a sudden brief moment I closed my eyes for I have found myself then hardly breathing gazing at my pale and naked body, thinking: he'd only used me, he even doesn't love me, and right now I lost everything I had, and yes, I will never ever gonna have it back."

    After a long month of suffering pain and depression, the sun finally found its way to shine my days. Now, the mourning days changes to light happiness and warm fuzzies. Though in some ways pain and memories still has its day and it happens every... THURSDAY.