Thursday: Tearday

     In hours of quiet thought one cannot but be overcome by the memories of the past.

     It was a placid Thursday afternoon. I was in the washtub naked. The place was dimly lit, and I was soaking in hot water and rocking myself, holding on to the rims of the tub. At the lowest point the tub teetered between two slopping boards, the water making little splashing noises as I rocked. This must have been very interesting for me. I rocked the tub with all my strength. Suddenly it overturned. I have a very vivid memory of the strange feeling of shock and uncertainty at the moment of the sensation of that wet and slippery space between the boards againts my bare, pale skin and looking up at something painfully bright overhead.

     "Go and leave". those were the words to draw my agonize and mourning. As the weather changes the color of the sky I sat lonesomely in the tub for awhile. Gawking at the open window locked and the wide meadow. Rain, I thought but no its tears flooding within me as I plead. I have been very sick from this , and yes I am tepidly and unenthusiastically. My life have been very miserable, cheerless and dreary since the day he left me with a "goodbye". Life, as they always said is 'touch and go', nothing is permanent, nothing endless, ceaseless. Someone must leave, must go, must fly.   

     The images of the past came and drop in. PAIN. SADNESS. BLOOD. TEARS. "oh how?", I sighed, upon saying to myself. Oh how will I ever forget all about him? in a sudden brief moment I closed my eyes for I have found myself then hardly breathing gazing at my pale and naked body, thinking: he'd only used me, he even doesn't love me, and right now I lost everything I had, and yes, I will never ever gonna have it back."

    After a long month of suffering pain and depression, the sun finally found its way to shine my days. Now, the mourning days changes to light happiness and warm fuzzies. Though in some ways pain and memories still has its day and it happens every... THURSDAY.

A Beautiful Nightmare

   A rainbow-colored paint that surrounds the odd, peculiar, queer, rare and definitely outlandish place.The colors glued in my weary eyes and I couldn't even unlock my gaze from it. All I could hear was nothing but taint less, crystal clear purity and sincerity in his voice upon saying ' I love you...'

 So it all began with a shabby and sloppy walk. I was all dressed up normal as a pure and simple visayan girl from the land of Mindanao. Right beside me is my man, dressed up all normal too; jeans and shirt but all brought a look so austere and flawless... In the eyes of nobody but me.

 I was half-blinded and began falling, he brought me in a never-been-there-since-day-one place. A place I somehow then find special and breathtaking.

  "open it", he says as i stroll forward beneath a vintage royal-like door. It was then that I realized that this place was a church, my eyes began wandering everywhere. A rainbow-colored paint, the fountain beneath the altar, the huge cross of Christ that brings beauty and solemnity over the place. In there was a sculptured images of Christ too that then marks an awe in my face. "I've never been in this place", i told him calmly, still amazed. He stealthily looks at me, smiled and then said "that is why i brought you here. Do you like it?", he asks. "i love it here!", i said with excitement. He leaned closer to me making me feel like kissing him, before so, he lifted me in an elevated floor for me to take a sit. His hands slipped over my waist then up to my neck, face, and landed in my hands"This is the perfect time and place to tell you how much I love you Kate Pauline Galagnara and soon to be... Juliada", I remained silent  as he said those words waiting for him to continue. "Kate, will you promised me one thing?", he asks. "anything...". "Kita ra? Og kita na?" , his voice flourished as he asks in our own language. I smiled then said "of-course. kita ra og kita na" , i answer him aimlessly baring a lower tone. " i love you, today, tomorrow-" i cut him off before he was about to finish.-- I kissed him passionately and leaned even more closer to him now-- and together saying "always and forever..", all of the air must have been sucked out of me as i stop and stared, for i found myself not breathing, gazing at this handsome being that someday I would love to spend my forever with.

  I was half-awake and half-dreaming when the alarm clock shout out. The sun's says sinked through my half-open window and tilted brightness through my two-storey hay. I let out a shaky breath and stood still as death. I let my mind wander backwards at my dreams, I wasn't at all certain, but i told myself; i know it was real, and it would come to happen soon.

  I breath in and out and continue blissfully to ponder and dwell with my beautiful nightmare.

Stapled by your Enormous Love

     (guys are like stars. There are millions of them out there, but only one can make your dreams come true. It's the star falls for you)

    The loudest creep in the night is the smile that broads and glows so right beneath a blanket of stars that shone and bright in the eerie night.

     As if sensing my thoughts, I sat up and scooted closer. Leaning in, he kissed me passionately on the lips, and I was suddenly certain that I wanted nothing more that to spend hours and hours wrapped in his arms, just like this. The scene was replaying in my head over and over again, and I can't help but to smile enthusiastically. As the morning sunlight streamed through the living room windows, I stretched before rising to my feet, peeking down the hall. I sat up-bolt into the porch right away as I get in. Closing my eyes for a bit helps me think about this guy I used to call the ‘love-you-with-all-my-heart-guy’, I smile in diffusion, for I knew that there really is such thing more that magic that he’d let me seen. My eyes exhaust open the again. I looked at the façade of the place, the façade of a lovely and flamboyant yet flourished place. A place that somehow lies in his eyes. A place that I found only his side. Over my 14 years of existence; I never felt anything as fun, as exciting, as bearable, as unforgettable, as magical like what he’d let me seen.

     Eavesdrop, I thought. As I lay down, falling asleep in my room. His vision trucked and bothered me in pathos. Thus, before I could say a word, I slouched, staring at the open window. Witnessing the night’s bewitching beauty of the stars; thinking about everything we had. There really is nowhere in this world I would rather be than be in his side forever, I thought smiling in the moonlit sky.

     Just by looking into his eyes, I know a place, forever, isn’t hard to find.

The Reply

                                       (every day you wait is one day you'll never get back)
  
 ...Outside there was a strange illness, except for the thirsty birds that sang lazily on the dying trees. The blinding midday heat had forced me to go back peacefully into my room. It was quite dark, and I was covered with sorrow and pain. I can't even see the silhouette of the light. "When will I ever know the reply" I whisper to myself slowly and softly as it can be.

   I suddenly felt panicky like a mouse cornered by a hungry cat, for I know he is not by my side. I sat lonesomely in the dimly lit room to contemplate: This distress is killing me softly. I miss his hugs, kisses, touch and his smile. I miss me when his around, indeed. Now that we are consecrated, the pain's flooding around the corner of my life. I feel so cold without his touch, I became so unsure about doing anything. I know for this moment, all I need is him. How will I find peace and joy if living is without him? Perhaps, it is my fault though. I was a fool to never realize all I've said. I was totally a bunch of obnoxious wreck to never care at somebody' feeling and affection. For now I was a little tiny mice waiting for an impossible reply that he'l somehow forgive me for what I've done

   Oh dear, I'm so down. My rocket threw me down below the high sky. Joy rejected on me, sorrow's now here in my pace. The facade of his sparkly face gloom in the morning sun as it so shines so bright, too bright.... only then for a bit while it was gone, gone with the morning lit that turns again so dark and black. Oh how will I supposed to live without your love. Honey, come back to me. Your all I want, all I need, and your the only one that completes me. Honey your my refuge and strength. What would it be without you then? I don't want anyone else in the world than to feel your arms around me. Honey, your my everything, your the every piece of my humanity.

  In the cloudless sky the moon shone so brightly, and the numerous stars glittered with a bewitching beauty. I could still hear my heart beating painfully within me. "How I love to see him smiling at me. Assuring me that he loves me not less but instead more. How I long for the reply. I'm still here waiting for the love of my life." I hummed lonesomely with the evening stars.

The Day I Met You

 (This was made by my guy on this 24th of june. I'm so in love with this, forever and always)

     On the day that I first saw you I know this feeling is true. The feeling I can hardly forget every moment of it, I wont regret.


     Every hour, every minute of the day I know I got to find a way to look at you and your beautiful eyes that turns my gray clouds into a blue sky.


     This feeling that I have for you that only in my heart once grew, by this time if you only knew you would make my knees fall down for you.


    There is this only one thing I wish to make you happy and to hear your sweet yes by the time you'll hear me confess to love you truly, I promise.

Sparks

 
                               
  I whispered soft and slow: 'I'm captivated by you honey like a firework show'". I was pathetically singing this verse from Taylor Swift's Sparks Fly. Exasperated and peeve, I annoyingly sang this song over and over again and I won't stop.. yeah I won't!

     It was a day... a day far from what I thought. Still it was just like... any other day. Oh God! That might be my phone beeping in exultation. It really was "Hi bee! how's my honey?" It states. My heart skipped a beat felt like gonna shatter into pieces of junk. It's been a night long like a century since his phone died. preposterous huh? An hour of exchanging text messages, My eyes had this urge that they needed to sleep BUT he undeniably forced me to make them still. Without any idea 'WHY'? of course, he did helped me to cover up the drowsiness inside. I was fun of talking with this "BOSSY BITCH FRIENDS" as what I call them, It was really such a hobby to be with them everyday inside of that two months without him. Yes, without him. 

     While I was painting my nails with this bloody red nail polish. There goes another beep, and I know... I know It's from him. "SURPRISE! :)" My mind was blank, I was halfway sitting at this computer chair with open legs. Then, a familiar tone bulged up I follow it's gaze up to the open field... My world shifted to a halt, it freezes just as my heart stop beating, it felt like the things around me... around us... are floating on air. This feeling is such a breathtaking. 'HE' leaned closer to me now, those hands that are swaying beneath my waist, are now steadily caged by his. I miss this feeling, the feeling when he's around. For a moment, he was laughing maybe because my hands are cold and pale, and I couldn't even manage to say a single word. My world is running through my head, and the only thing I was thinking that moment is: "ARE YOU REAL?" for a second I know he's killing my world, and yes... I know I'm seize. 

    His back unto my world now, and all those aches, longings while he's gone now shifted into something we both know we're going to lasts..Those sparks flies now... it shines even brighter than before. Again, the song keeps on playing on my sound box as the sun peeked unto my windows... and I know one thing, this is love, and this is for sure.

Coming Soon

(It feels like a century passed since I hold  a real pen and wrote it on an actual paper. My life is disdainfully lonesome these days, still waiting for his home coming. This is what I wan't to share with everybody, a dream... a dream where everyone want's to sleep with it forevermore.)

    The sun shyly peeked through my wide-open window and along with the swaying curtains. My eyes drop out of confusion upon seeing the "Calendar." Sometimes days are rolling fast that made you miss someone so badly, I said eagerly. How did I tend to survive this cruel distance that lie between the two of us? I asked , perhaps, no one answers me for I know I am all alone. This silence is killing my nerves and so my throat, upon, still, my eyes locked into it. Over thinking of what would tomorrow could bring. Tomorrow is the second of all glorious days without him. He's the melody that I am still captivated, and yes! I'm still waiting for his home coming.

    I packed quickly, getting dressed casually. I rushed downstairs, and went into the dirty kitchen. clumsy and foolish I only ate half of my meal this morning. I've gotta meet someone halfway of this road unto the national highway of buses, cars, and automobiles. "You look like a Mash Potato, like a piece of trash with your suit, huh? So preposterous Rosalinda." He said. "Drop out of milky way, it's out of concern and limitations to insult me with the crime of fashion, you, Mr.Launcelot!" I told meticulously. Half an hour of traveling in the dusty and polluted road to reach the City Of friendship. Chatting and laughing makes the day more promising. He rose to hold my hand, out of my senses the tie screeches to halt and the universe! oh the traitor, conspires against him and me. Words just came out in my mouth "I LOVE YOU" and it continued "Thank you for this wonderful day, I owe you a thousand of thank you's." Sparks flew out of nowhere, and the butterflies in my stomach are racing... He leaned closer to me now, my tension arms cringed as his touched it. His sparkling, diamond eyes locked into my smooth, fascinating eye balls. His breath slowly reached mine, kinda blows out such an intensive scent like a drug about to explode. His hands we're halfway below my waist and other one is at my neck. I don't wanna wake up and risk being lonely. I know I'm not dreaming... He is 'REAL'! I assured myself. His lips marvelously found mine. His nose touched mine that brought out a perfect romance. His kisses delivered a thousand words of longings and showers eternity for the both of us. Now, we can never be broken again. Love and God made us more stronger and tougher than ever... He release my from his gentle kiss but instead of releasing a lot of me, he locked a hug, a tight one with a gentle kiss on my forehead... I closed my eyes feeling the heat of the moment... but something bumps my head.

    (GASPS) I am daydreaming... oh! whatta wreck!!! A sigh made i possible to be calm... But i know someday.. someday I'll relive that dream... It's MAY the 16th, the day wherein a love story steps on another stair. Nothing's gonna stop the both of us now, even when the world ran out of rhymes........ The sun rose soarly now, and I know.... He's coming soon.