BAD GIRL

 Hey! Every Body seems to be staring at me...

You! You! All of you!

How dare you to stare at me?

Why? Is it because I’m a bad girl?

A bad girl I am, A good for nothing teen ager, a problem child?

That’s what you call me!

I smoke. I drink. I gamble at my young tender age.

I lie. I cheat, and I could even kill, if I have too.

Yes, I’m a bad girl, but where are my parents?

You! You! You are my good parents?

My good elder brother & sister in this society were I live?

Look…look at me…What have you done to me?

You have pampered and spoiled me, neglected me when I needed you most!

In trusted me to a yaya, whose intelligent was much lower than mine!

While you go about your parties, your meetings and gambling sessions…

Thus… I drifted away from you!

Longing for a fathers love, yearning for a mothers care!

As I grow up, everything change!

You too have change!

You spent more time in your pokers, mahjong tables, bars and night clubs.

You even landed on the headline of the news paper as crook, peddlers and racketeers.

Now, you call my name; accuse me in everything I do to myself?

Tell me! How good you are?

If you really wish to ensure my future

Then hurry….hurry back home! Where I await you, because I need you…

Protect me from all evil influences that will threaten at my very own understanding…

But if I am bad, really bad…then, you’ve got to help me!

Help me! Oh please…Help me!

A Walk With A Morning Frown

    A bliss of smile toned to be a frown. That’s how my Tuesday morning started.

       I buckle up to the cold, freezing floor, cellular phone in hand. I tiptoed on the way to the cozy sala and dive into down on the chair, reading through a thousand messages I received this morning.

       Waiting. . . Was all I’ve been doing since I’ve been harassing my head with the thoughts that perplex me so? My mum shook her head and smiled at me as a sign of a sweet welcoming morning “hi!” was all she said “doing great?” she added, finally, “slow,” by the time she went away, I flash quickly back into my room and dive into my soft and scented bed. I baffle up and finally received a message of him “Good morning hon.” A smile cried out into my sensitive face, as it turn into apple-colored-blush, I replied “Good morning pud hon.” Exchanging of messages happened, then suddenly it turned into something I never did expected.

       “I don’t need someone whose flirt and seductive, all I want as a partner whose conservative looking.” Blood runs through my veins, hot and with anger. A drop of liquid suddenly began to fall from the corner of my eyes. I hesitated but I couldn’t resist them, I couldn’t even pretend that I was okay well actually I wasn’t. I thought of the love I have given him, I give all of me and love him like no one else could. For me he was my everything, my soul, my life, and the reason for every bit of smile. Now that he’s gone miles away I couldn’t able to bring back the broken pieces into place again. I’d love him so much and I don’t want to lose him, for this matter it is much better for the two of us broken and separated. Until the beat find its way again then surely that would be our time again and no one else could come close.

          Walking absent mindedly on the long and hot road onto the school, as if it is the end of the world. Then in a sudden, a Starex Van was approaching in front of me, a window suddenly open with the face of my dearest kuya Chip-Chip Gallarita, he smiled,  his eyes at me and shouted “pangit!pangit!” with his super-ultra-teasing-voice. A flash of smile appeared but then it only lasted for a while. Only for a while.

          Pag-ibig na sa kabila ng kamatayan ay hindi ko bibitawan”

“I can’t live without you, you are my life now” those words linked into my blank mind, and I can’t help the fact that until now, I am still holding into his words. Words that I long to hear. 

FRIENDSHIP.LOVE.GUILT. DEATH.HOPE

In the warm embrace of the night, I listened to the steady hum of cicadas, breathing in the peace of this refuge, trying to still my racing thoughts. . .

            Don’t you dare John?!” May accompanied angrily to her fiancée, I stood there wearily in front of them with my hand stands below my chin. “We need to talk” said John half-heartedly. “No more talk! No more you and me, no more!” groaned May with tears in her eyes. She turns to face me “let’s go, what’s the point of staying up late here” I follow her gaze to wherever she is going through “you sure okay?” I asked and she hesitated, “I would understand if you wanted to be alone, you know” I manage to see her expression but all I could see was approval to my words. “Thank you” we hugged for a brief shirt if time as I handed her my handkerchief and I went alone in my English Class. Seating alone without May, my best friend, and the only thing I had. Here comes Xian, the cute guy sitting next to May and me - actually the greatest crush I and May have (sounds funny you know) -came to approach me, "hey Line, where's May?" he asked, and at the moment I was blushing, it was the very first of all times he did ask me. “um... some family problems" I answered hesitantly "oh! I see." was all he said, and left without even saying goodbye. Honestly I was disappointed for that matter. 

            The next morning, May was up calling me. "Pauline! Pauline!" she cried, i turned around to face her "yes bestie?" I answered, and her breath was taking faster, "Are you okay?" I asked wearily. "I was looking for you anywhere. And at last I did find you here" she paused and then continue "I need to tell you something, that even me, myself , can't believe it" oh! I wondered "I'm sorry, what is it?" she smiled “Xian was asking me on a date, today" she said, proudly. "What about John, was it really over?"

"Oh! Common stop talking about that guy, better be pestering someone else, I'm getting sober, okay?” I guess you already are, I told myself. "So I have to go, okay? I'll see you later then? I got to prepare myself" she muttered. "Okay, Enjoy there!" she gave me a sweet peck then went away.

           After class, I went to the cafeteria with Dave, I saw there, May with Xian waving at my sight, as soon as I get closed to them "Hey!" I said taking a seat in front of them with Dave on my side. "Stop teasing me Apple, or else I would kiss you" said Xian, May wearing a curious expression said "APPLE?" she asked. "Because you are the Red apple and I am your sweet Chocolate"

"I bet its white chocolate" May teased. "Um... Sorry but I think Dave is getting a 'lilt thirsty, we need some soda on the store" i said, smiling, “Nah! Just take good care of my bestie, Dave" said May. and I turned to face Xian instead of May "You too Xian, don't take my sissy too much" he smiled- and honestly he looks beautiful- " you better watch for yourself Line, take care" I was touch, and I like the way he thoughts.

I back out and he screamed on the back of me "I can assure you too that I will take good care of May so well." I smiled and nodded. Actually, I was a little bit jealous - Oh no! I wasn't. PREPOSTEROUS! After taking up some soda, we went back to the school quick.

                        TWO MONTHS PASSED. . .

           I saw Xian for the first time walking along the hallway all by his self. As I was near into him, he said together tapping my elbows "hey! Where are you going?"

"Somewhere" I said. "You mind if I come with you?" we stare for a long moment of time, and it is really in him that I couldn't able to refuse. So it's been 5 days straight that we always hang-out together, just the two of us.

          You’re such a lilt coward Xian! So what's this all about?" I said, with cheeks turning peach."Yeah. I just wanted to tell you that you really mean a lot to me Pauline." He said with sincerity in his gold eyes, "you sure does to me too Eye shield." he smiled. "I love you" as he said those words, I saw nothing but sincerity and honesty in his voice. As I thought of May then, her present girlfriend. "Yes I love May, before, but I think it's not her whom I really want. It's you! It’s you Pauline Katen Samson: My Hearty Barky." I smiled and then for a second he came close and, surprisingly, he slip his arms around my neck down to my waist. He leaned into me, and when I closed my eyes, I knew I wanted more than to hold him this way forever.

           Later, after we spent a good part of the night talking and kissing on the beach I ran my fingers along her jaw and whispered, "I love you too, Xian " I closed my eyes again, and feel the warmth of his body against mine. "I love you More and more Pauline."

"I think you should fix that one problem with May, I don't want to hurt her, I love her too, Xian”

          The day after, Xian and May flashed through my way. "You bitch!" May slapped me hardly, hot with anger, in the face, and I could not say a word."I'm sorry May." I apologize, "SORRY? Fuck! You’re nothing but a piece of rotten snake! Traitor! Bitch! Dirty woman! I hate you so much for doing this Katen!" she cried, she left with the pain she inflicted in me. "Are you okay? I'm sorry; I just needed to fix this, you and May, in time"

"You will?" I said crying. "Yes I promised!" we chase May quickly on the parking lot. She stare at me with eyes full of anger, "Back-off Pauline" then turned to face Xian, "If you want to settle this, come with me “she said. Xian faced me, and I understood why he really has to come.

         It's passed 9:00 o'clock in the evening, but Neither Xian or May called me. 10:00 o'clock and I'm still waiting for a call, then for a sudden "kriiing! kriiing!" I hurried and answer the phone. "Hello, Xian?"

But an unknown voice answered me "Is this Pauline Samson?" 

"Yes, it is? Why?" I worried. "This is Sheila of Roy's Hospital, come quick!" then put the phone down. I brag off to the hospital with all the tensions in my weary eyes. Then there I saw my best friend cold with eyes open and a terrifying face-expression beside the man I love. I cried and hold Xian’s rigidly vibrating hands; my shirt was full of Jelly-sticky-blood as I am hugging the bloody body of my Partner. “Don’t leave me, eye shield! I need you; please don’t leave me” I said, pleading and begging him “fight! I know you could do it. Don’t leave me, I need you” I said, crying and believing that he could survive from this tragic event. He opens his weak eyes, and murmured “I love you, and only you. I’m sorry, I can’t make up the promise I made” I cover his mouth “don’t say that you can do this, together we’ll fight, okay?” He closed his eyes once again, and he ran his cold fingers on my cheek down to my lips “I-I-I l-love y-you Pau. . .” he didn’t finished what he said, and his hands fall, I open my eyes and stare at him, crying. “Don’t do this Xian!” I hug him for the last, and I whispered into his cold, pale ears “I love you, and I’ll always will. Wherever you are right now, I know you are happy, and I’m happy too, not for leaving me, but to see you rest in peace, I love you forever my eye shield” It’s hard for me to say, but it would be much harder if I wouldn’t accept the fact that he’s gone away. With tears in my eyes, I reminisce the moments we’ve been together.

          In the warm embrace of the night, I listened to the steady hum of cicadas, breathing in the peace of this refuge, trying to still my racing thoughts. Crying on the sixteenth day April, the day Xian told me that he loves me and the day May and I met. I stare blankly at the silver-stone moon and for the briefest instant; it almost feels like we’re together again.

THE SOULS:JAR OF HEARTS

Stressed and disdainfully tired. I woke up chewing a sweet strawberry flavored gum which I bought in France since I have been stuck there waiting for my mom's fly away to Canada.

          Humming into the long road of Paris, blissful and yet appalling, nice and sweet. PREPOSTEROUS! Laughing and locking my eye into the beautiful place of Notre-Dame, Paris France. I was admiringly amaze to the great wind of bizarre this place had brought me, my feet are really vibrating into a jump and as my close friend interrupt me "madam, we need to go". Ooooh! Eyes of an owl. I remember my Grandma was waiting for me, though I really do want to stay but I really need to go. My hands waved back and forth just a way of saying a goodbye to this place.

          The trip freezes me and as we went to a stop in our old mansion, my longings in this special place had mourned me. Running back into my old dusty room makes me remember of the jars I left 6 years ago. 

          Excitingly run upstairs, as I was and went into my long dresser, there I found a jar of couple hearts beneath my cute and small dresses. My lips stretched into a smile and a sigh of homesickness. I was 12 years old when I left this place, now that I am 18 I can’t believe they still survive really I was certainly amaze. Staring blankly at the jars a memory and an image of “Mang Kanor” I said, he was the one who’d left with the thoughts kept on burning in my mind since I left 6 years ago, I NEED TO FIND HIM. Quenching my fist and pushing myself closer to my leather jacket I save from my trip to England when I was 16 years old and a half. My feet stopped and freezes, there, I saw Mang Kanor in the Garden as far as I can remember he was there too the last time I’d talk to him 6 years ago. “Mang Kanor…” “oh dear ! It’s like a year old since you’ve been here madam, you’ve been good enough and I can see that” and he added “and you’d turned out such a beautiful being, more beautiful than before madam” I smile for the sweet words he had told me, makes my heart ache for the longings that I’ve only spend 2 months of spring in Paris and left to home. “thank you Mang Kanor, it’s good to see you once again, I’m sure your doing great, I can see that too” he smiled. “of course your grandma didn’t left us in such many ways, and I thank her for that she’s really an angel through all these years just like you are” I was honored, we exchanges glance and I could see that he misses me as much as I miss him too. By not letting silence break us, I open up the topic and spoke to him as much as I could “ Mang Kanor, I never forgot the things you’ve told me 6 years ago. Could you explain it to me? I know and I understand why you wouldn’t tell me about it, maybe because I was not that age full to fully understand those things...” he sighed, and I continued “but now, I wanted to know about it Mang Kanor” and he turned to face me, and I sensed his expression that he don’t wanted to talk about it “cause it leave me hundreds of sleepless nights and even now” I jump to his arms. And as he smile and talk to me “it’s really a top secret dear, as much as I couldn’t tell you, but I think it’s time” silence breaks him again “because you deserve to know it, and your great grandparents told me that I should when time comes” “what do you mean Mang Kanor? I don’t understand you, really” “that’s why I’m telling you so that you will understand” “yah! So could begin it I’m been craving with that in 6 years Mang Kanor” “it goes like this, you remember those jars, beating lively as real, not as but totally real, they are the souls of your grandma” I know and I can feel it that he was not joking I can see it in his eyes “Mang Kanor tell me about it” “they die in an accident right? I saw them, I dreamed about them and they told me I need to get their hearts left in the car, I went there and saw the real hearts beating incorrectly, they told me I needed to find someone to release the guilt your grandpa had to her, to cage they’re love once again” I look seriously and listen carefully though my thoughts are now rummaging and acting crazy, but then I asked “what happened? Until now there isn’t anyone whose responsible for doing that” he crept to see me “I look for the answers madam but all of them didn’t believe me, they say I’m going crazy and they didn’t want to tolerate it, your grandma told me that she aren’t the one who could done it because she can’t use any of her powers anymore” “POWERS? What!” “Everyone of us do have powers madam, and even you. This was passed from generations and generations, indeed good member of the family receives it because they deserve and only that extraordinary power and powerful power could break the guilt they had” “so?” “and I think I found it already” “who? I was scared when he face me and I saw his eyes turned gold “Mang Kanor, your eyes....” and he turned to hid it from me “it’s the only power I had, to change and read minds, but I couldn’t read yours they are loud as your grandma has” he scare me again “Sweety?” I heard mom calling from the hall and he saw me talking with Mang Kanor “sweety come over here, come!” she shouted “Mang Kanor, what’s going on you?” “your mom’s thought are nothing but bare, go and see her, but remember what I’ve told you madam” and he continue watering the plants as he usually does, I turn to face mom and I met her gaze and I could sense they aren’t that amazing.

          I silently and blankly rest unto my soft cottoned bed. My mom went in and I was shocked for her arriving of pictures “what was that mom?” “Mom?” “Mom!” and she face me with an angry expression “what was going on?” “Speak to yourself sweety,stay away from Mang Kanor, I know he’d told you about powers and the hearts, all of those aren’t true, he’d told us about that too, 20 years ago. But all of those aren’t true! They aren’t true sweety, they aren’t. stay away from him, if you love me” “yes of course but don’t make him as an excuse mom” “honey listen to me. I just love you, I know him better than you do, so please make an effort for yourself to be safe  from him” “mom I’m safe with him” “you don’t love me, I’m just making the right move for you, he isn’t good for you” “and I didn’t tell you that he’s some kind of proof, or medicine for me to be good mom, he’s a good friend” I insisted though I’m shouting against mom “stay away from him, just stay away” “what you will insist again, that your right I’ve been here 20 years ago and you? What?” but I could not help when she is really mad so I stay calm and do what she wanted “ok mom, I’m sorry, but I will do it now.” “good” she said and give me a hug.

          When I was fun of nothing to do, I went outside and see how great the full moon was. Looking through it I was terribly shocked as I saw myself in a reflection of the moon in the pool, I saw my eyes are turning RED, and as a voice thrills me. You are exactly what I am searching for, apo! I was pacing back forth but saw nothing. I hurried upstairs and saw the 2 souls in the jar fighting, Mang Kanor was right. I hushed into myself.

          I turn to see myself in the mirror; I saw Manong Kanor and imagining the words my mom told me about him nothing that they aren’t true. I had powers as Mang Kanor told me, and I’m scared to be the one he had told me earlier. Tears fall rapidly and I can’t help them. I close my eyes and I wanted to wake up, how in wish this was only a dream.

May Bukas Pa

   Desyembre 17,2011. Ang pagdating niya!


   Pinukaw ng malakas na ulan ang natutulog kong mga mata sa ng simbahan. "Kay lakas naman nitong ulan" sabi ko sa aking katabi "tama ka". Kasabay ng malakas na hangin na para bang iniihip ako nito. Pag-uwi ng bahay ako'y  napakali ako sa mga taong nagmamabilis na pumunta sa tabing dagat, tanong ko sa aking kaibigan na napadaan sa aming bahay "asa mo?" sagot naman niyang "sa dagat, daghan nanga anod sa baha". Ang mga bibig ay naka bukas at natulala sa akng narinig.


  Binuksan at tumungo sa internet ang nandoon ko nasilayan ang kadumal-dumal na pagwasak ng bagyong Sendong sa Cagayan de Oro, Iligan City at sa iba pang lugar na nasalanta ng bagyo. Nakita ko ang mga inosente at musmos na mga batang nakahiga sa sahig, malamig at parang bato. Ang mga bahay na winasak , ang mga batang paslit na nanginginig, basang-basa at walang damit, kasabay sa pagsigaw kung nasaan na ang kanyang pamilya. Nandoon din ang mga imahe ng mga magagarang sasakyan na binalot ng putik, sapagkat walang pinipili, mahirap o mayaman binabahaan at ang lahat ay nagtutulungan at nagkakaisa. Diyos ko gabayan niyo po sila, sabi ko sa aking sarili.

   Gumising ako at tinititigan ang aking almusal, iniisip na papaano nalang ang mga batang gutom at sumasakit ang tiyan dahil wala silang makain na kahit ano. Tumutulo ang aking mga luha sa mga bagay-bagay na hindi maalis sa aking isip. Nagtungo ako sa altar at nagdasal na sanay bigyan sila ng liwanag para sa bagong bukas, para sa bagong panimula.




   MAY BUKAS PA. SISIKAT PA ANG ARAW !

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150427989391606.359942.545901605&type=3

The Untold:Jar of Hearts

       "Boom!" a big bash was interrupted by a loud break of jars. Heart beating fast and feels like about to crash. I hurry and went to a look on our old Attic upstairs, goosebumps all over me. This Attic must have been very hoary and really rusty and old.


      Then I saw a pair of alive heart-shaped thing inside the jar. I was shocked, i reach for the jar and open it. But i went to pause.....


      It surprised me for it is a HEART. One with an aggravated heart and the other one with fond heart. I ran  the two hearts into my fastidious room at the second floor of our elevated house. I locked myself and creep into the open window with the jars in my frizzy hands. Mang Kanor, the caretaker of my Aunt Belen's house, glued his eyes on me, perhaps he must saw me clenching the hearts in my bare hands. He ran, I hesitate aand leave the jars in my room and look for Mang Kanor. There he was at Aunt Belen's garden, I wonder why he was acting insane snd like he was talking to himself.


     " Mang Kanor ! " with a horrifying expression , he turn to face me 
" Oh!sorry I must have surprised you." 
" No problem madam, how can I help you?" of course, I answered him 
" um... Its about --- I wonder why you are making a deep-sight seeing in me above my room, awhile ago"     he hid his face
" Mang Kanor?" and yet with no response.
"Your holding a Jar of Hearts, did you?"
"yes!" he clinged his frizzy fingers in my arm and
"where did you get those?"
"in the Attic." he stare at me "cause I heard something crushing upstairs, that's why I acclaim that it is something I need to check and---"
"you stole it!" he break me.
"NO!I didn't"
"yes you did! keep that heart as soon as you can before Ro and Rosella's soul wake up."
"what?! but Manong Kanor----". He left but  his words stayed.




    I went upstairs and dial Celina's number, a French Ghost Whisperer  or tracker and a friend of my old neighbor in Los Angeles. " HELLO?"
" Celina,its me Rollete"
"Yes. how may I help you Ro?"
"I'm in Paris , I'm at my Aunt Belen's house , could you come and check me out?
"assure"




   I need to go back to my country, leaving the jar of hearts in my room, locked ! There is something I need to know about it , something Mang Kanor and the whole tribe hiding from me.... something I need to know.......
Going back to rich country , the Philippines, but my mind was still in Paris, a thought that bubbling me along the way " I need to go back soon and to know the secret of the Jar of Hearts"

A Day and FOREVER

    Walking in the silver sand of Boracay , the sun's rays sinked into my lovely skin. Wearing my favorite two-peice swimsuit that my mom brought me months ago from her trip to Hong-Kong, with a silky,thin vest I wore to cover my entire body and to protect it from the heat of the sun. I also wore my adorable and comfortable , pink flipflops that i stole frm my bff's dresser. Whoooa... I am really embracing the heat of summer !

     Removing away my vest and my slippers off and flashed through the clear water of Boracay. Taking a zip dive is really that fun huh? As I came out of the clear salty water , I crept up and saw my sister as she lift my lovely, white dress to be wore on my special day. I hurry upstairs at my room 1016 and there all we're ready, my makeup artist, my photographer, my videographer, my girls and all the things I needed.

  1 hour and 30 mins of preparation , i flew downstair as the white car was waiting for me outside.....

 There he was , my charming husbang to be, waiting for me, as I slowly and lady-manerly walked into the silver tiled aisle of the solemnity of this holy place. Guests all over the place glued and gave me an "owl" eye as i walked into the center aisle of this place. Simple as I am wearing my white sneackers and light makeup with my upshouldr dress and my "curlytops" hair with a white shell headres on top of it. Then the two of us sit down on a lovely brown bench  in the front, i slowly turn my face , right, to c my cute flower girls and my beautiful bridesmaid.

   Flower all over me as he open the wide door of our blue Hammer car and drive me into the white beach of Boracay. He reached for my face and as he speak the words " I love you Mrs.Juliada" . He carry me into hiS tan arms and ly me into the silver sand of Boracay,  he give me a sweet peck and a touch of an ever lasting love. I was running halfway and he was chasing of and tickled me , and as i went to a stop to hug him and kiss him from the neck as i reach into his lips...

    "Toot.. Toot" the sound of the messy alarm clock wake me up. What a dream, i told myself . Tick tock ,The sound of footsteps outside my room,and went right away, as I crept to see who it was I then saw the ever lasting smile of the man I love. That dream! That dream was about to happen. I cleared into my mind .